Uh-oh, here we go.
What?
You're making enchilada casserole.
So? Big deal.
Haven't you learned your lesson yet?
Carli, Glenn was a terrible husband
and at best a useless dad,
but the minute he calls, you're making his favorite--
Sex-Mex Enchiladas.
Okay, fine, I'm in the mood.
I'm really in the mood. Uh...
It's been a long time since I've had...
enchiladas.
Just be careful.
Nick, please.
Okay, after three kids,
I have learned my lesson.
I do not want to end up with another "chimi" in my "changa."
I mean, don't let him steal your stereo again.
Nick, stop.
Glenn is stopping by tonight, and that's it.
Scott and Pam should be able to see their dad,
and whatever happens after that
is just totally out of my control.
Out of your control?
Carli, you know exactly what you're doing.
Isn't this the same dress
that you wore to that meeting with Scott's principal?
And Scott didn't have to repeat ninth grade, did he?
[clicks tongue]
? Working Class 1x03 ? Sugar Mama Original Air Date on February 4, 2011
♪ This is my day ♪
♪ This is my life ♪
♪ This is my one chance to get it right ♪
♪ This is my day ♪
♪ Yeah, this is my day ♪
== Sync, corrected by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com ==
Come on, guys. Get a little excited.
You haven't seen your dad
since he took you to that Cubs game last year.
He didn't take us.
His car ran out of gas next to the stadium.
But they did get to watch the game in a bar.
And I had to give him money to fill the tank,
which he never paid back.
But he did try with that check that bounced.
You know what I don't get, Mom?
How did you ever end up with Dad in the first place?
Well, just think of it as my little cautionary tale
for you, sweetie.
When it comes to love,
follow your heart,
not the sent of Old Spice and Jack Daniels.
I don't have to spend time with him.
He's not even my dad.
Stop showing off.
Mom, it's a three-day weekend.
We're supposed to be having fun.
Okay, look, guys,
so your dad isn't perfect.
Sometimes he forgets your birthdays...
and your middle names,
but you know what?
He can be a lot of fun.
Yeah, he's a riot.
Remember that time you got to play hide-and-seek
because the repo man came to take his bass boat?
Hey, Nick, enough.
Man, we had some good times
on Who's The Bass?
If Scott and Pam are with Glenn,
can you take me to the Fun Zone?
I heard they have the world's biggest ball pit.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Mommy's been so busy with her new job,
we haven't been able to go yet.
But you know what? We will go to that ball pit.
Okay? It'll be our special date,
just me and you...
and a gallon of antibacterial hand wash, okay?
Okay. All right, you got it, sweetie.
Mwah. [doorbell rings]
[gasps, whimpers]
Okay, I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.
Uh, where-- where's my perfume?
Oh, I know. It's in the drawer. [rings]
Mom, that's furniture polish. Great, no waxy buildup.
Oh, the burning, burning, burning. Jiminy Christmas. Aah.
Well, at least you have your dignity.
All right, okay, here we go.
Excited, exited--
[singsong] Excited. Huh?
Hey, everybody!
Good news! Daddy's home.
Who missed me?
Who missed me and wants an iPod?
I do! Yeah.
Well, it's a good thing
I bought three of them then, huh?
Here you go. One, two,
three, and-- ah-ah, d-d-d-d-d...
For you, Scott,
I have an Xbox.
That would make me good for the last five Christmases, right?
Whoa, thanks, Dad.
Forget about that money you owe me.
What money?
And for my little girl.
I got a genuine Gucci handbag.
Well, Glenn, that's really sweet of you,
but Pam is more interested in science and reading--
Oh, my God, this is so exciting!
And for you, little fellow,
I figured you for a ray gun.
Oh, I'm still glad you're not my dad,
but this is awesome.
You're welcome.
Carli...
Carli, Carli, Carli, Carli, Carli...
[giggling]
- Come on. - Okay.
[laughs]
[low growl]
You smell like lemonade.
Oh, you, you stop it.
- You stop it. - You stop it.
[groans] I can't watch this.
Hey, hey, Nicko. Hang on a second.
I got something for you, too.
It is a custom Strat.
Always have loved your music.
Really?
I always liked you.
Thanks.
This is amazing.
Well, at least you have your dignity.
Okay, Glenn, what truck did all of this stuff fall off of?
I know that you don't put money down on anything
unless it's running in the fourth race.
Don't knock it. That's how I paid the bill when Scott was born.
I gave birth in a cab.
Yeah, and the driver kept the meter running
till the paramedics showed up, 70 bucks.
Plus cleaning.
Seriously, where did you get this stuff?
[doorbell rings]
Actually, I kind of came here
because I wanted to introduce you all
to my new girlfriend.
- Girlfriend? - Yeah.
Carli, kids,
this is Renee.
Well, then who's this,
your girlfriend's mom?
Oh-- [laughs]
Glenn said you were funny,
but he did not mention how pretty you are,
oh, with such wonderful taste in shoes.
Aren't you lucky they can make them that big?
[laughs]
Carli, you remember when I told you
I was working on that old oil rig?
Oh, Glenn, stop talking about her like that.
She's right here.
[laughs] I think he means that I own that old oil rig,
and all the money that comes out of it.
[nervous laugh]
Okay, kiddoes, come on. Why don't you thank Renee.
She got those presents for you.
[Scott] Thank you so much. They're awesome.
You're very welcome, darlings.
It's the benefits of marrying rich
and divorcing richer,
but all those gifts don't come for free.
I need my hugs.
[laughs]
Thank you. [Scott] Thank you.
Oh, you're so welcome. Thank you for that?
Thank you. Oh, you're welcome, sweetheart.
Ahh, come here, you. Okey-doke.
[both laugh]
Well, Renee, I would love to invite you to stay for dinner,
but I'm making something special,
and I just don't think there's enough to go around.
Is that enchilada casserole I smell?
Carli, isn't that sweet of you?
I'm sure you know how much Glenn loves Mexican.
Yeah, yeah, I do.
I used to give it to him all the time.
Hmm.
Well...
he's gotten a taste for fancier Mexican now.
Which is why I've made us a reservation
at one of the nicest Mexican restaurants in Chicago--
Cocina Del Rey.
Can we go, Mom?
Yeah, we never go out.
Okay, fine, yes,
but no one complains
when I reheat that casserole tomorrow night.
Oh, leftovers. You poor dears.
It's kind of like Slum Dog Millionaire without the millionaire.
Oh, kids don't mind cold, dried-up leftovers.
They get that from their dad.
[chuckles]
Well, they must have a big appetite, too,
because this man is insatiable.
Now, who wants to ride in a hummer limo!
Oh, I do! I do!
[Scott] Yes! Let's drill, baby, drill!
Whoo-hoo! Here we go. [yips]
This is going to be fun, isn't it? Yeah.
Oh, don't you smell just like my coffee table.
[Renee trills, hoots] So all that time
I was secretly buying up stock,
and when he found out,
he broke down like a little girl.
And I said, "Stop your blubbering.
It's my company now."
That's the divorce where she got the ranch.
Wow. Must be nice.
All my first marriage got me
was two beautiful kids and--
no, that's it, just two beautiful kids.
Thanks again, for dinner, Renee.
It was definitely the best meal I've ever had.
Aw, it's my pleasure, dear.
I could tell by how excited you all were
that you don't get to go out
and have a nice meal that often.
Oh, sorry. Probably shouldn't have given the guacamole maker
a standing ovation.
[laughing]
Or invited him to Christmas.
So tell us more about your ranch.
Does every bathroom have its own Jacuzzi?
Oh, it's really not that fancy, honey.
Some of the bathrooms have regular tubs,
though that's mainly for the help.
What's the help?
Well, honey, they're the people that live in my house,
clean up, and do the chores.
Oh, just like Mommy.
No, sweetie, there's a big difference
between the hired help
and the joys of motherhood.
I don't get paid.
[groans] You all right there, Carl?
Ugh, I've been sleeping on this old mattress for 10 years,
and it's really got my back tweaked.
Yeah, getting old is a pain in the pitoot.
Oh, I'll take your word for it, Renee.
Maybe you should check into getting a new mattress,
especially considering how much time
you must spend on your back.
[mock laugh]
All right, kids, it's bedtime.
Do what your mother said. Get off to bed.
Let's go. Come on, hup.
Here we go. Whoo-whoo.
Night-night.
[Scott] Hey, good night, guys.
Oh, good night.
See you tomorrow.
All right, kids, I'll just get my hugs upstairs later,
like I usually do, so...
Well, I think it's time
that you and I went back to the hotel.
What do you say, baby? Come on. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, no, no, no, I want to hear more stories.
What? I don't have a bed time.
Come on. I thought I'd go make some coffee.
Oh, thanks, sugar, but that would just keep me up.
Yeah, yeah, Nick, remember
how Grandma could only drink warm milk after 5?
[laughs]
[loudly] Renee needs her sleep.
Oh, I never need an excuse
to hurry off to bed these days,
although I'm not getting much sleeping done.
[yelps] Hey! [cackles]
Yeah.
[Renee] See ya. [Glenn] Hey, see you in the morning.
All right. Hey, text me. [laughs]
You got it!
Did you see that, Nick?
What kind of woman
goes to her boyfriend's ex-wife's house
and just waltzes in like she owns the place?
A super-cool one.
Man, they're a great couple--
His swagger, her moxie.
Somehow it just works.
That's not moxie.
That's "Botoxy."
Oh, no.
No! Come on.
[siren on TV]
Mmm,
surprise.
This is just like old times,
except we're not living in your mother's camper.
And you're not wearing your Daisy Dukes
and my Guns N' Roses half T-shirt...
unfortunately.
Glenn, what are you doing here?
Renee took the kids.
I thought I'd stay here,
get a little alone time with you.
Really?
That's right.
Hmm, that's strange.
She's got you on such a tight leash
that I'm surprised she doesn't carry a plastic bag
when she takes you on a walk.
Come on upstairs. I want to show you something.
No, n-n-n-n-n-no.
Uh-uh, no, no, no, okay?
It's one thing if you want to go ahead
and get yourself a sugar mama,
but then you don't
get any sugar
from this mama.
Look, just come on upstairs. Take a look.
I don't need a look. Already seen it.
Bet I can change your mind.
- Mm-mmm. - Come on.
Okay, but I'm only going up there
to make sure that my stereo is still there.
Really, Glenn, the bedroom?
It's the only place I could show you this.
Well, I'm only coming in here
to tell you that I am leaving.
Oh, come on, girl.
Hop on, take it for a ride.
Mm-mmm, mm-mmm, nope, nope, nope,
I am not gonna--
This isn't my bed.
[gasps] [chuckles]
Where did this mattress come from?
You got me a mattress?
Oh, my gosh.
[gasps] Oh.
And I can't even feel the springs poking through the fabric.
I didn't even think that was possible.
[sighs]
I'm so glad you like it. Renee and I knew you would.
Renee?
You and Renee bought me this mattress?
- Yeah. - Okay, see, Glenn.
You know what? I don't need her to buy me a mattress.
She can't buy me just like she's buying you
and the kids.
Hang on a second. Renee is not buying me.
I really, really, like Renee.
Oh, please. Okay?
Our relationship is not just some sort of a scam.
Right.
Look, the fact that she's incredibly rich
is just an unbelievably awesome coincidence.
You're kidding, right?
No, I'm not kidding.
In fact, Renee and I--
[clears throat]
...are getting married.
What? Why?
She can't possibly be pregnant.
Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to upset you with this.
Well, you know what, Glenn?
I am upset because if you marry Renee,
that means she's going to be my kids' stepmom,
and I don't like her.
Well, you don't ever have to see her.
Okay, look. Renee said that the kids
can just fly down and see us on summers and holidays.
Oh, yeah.
You know, Never-Gonna-Happen Day's coming up.
Let's shoot for that!
Carli, Renee is really a good person.
She's trying so hard to fit into this family.
Today she took Scott and Pam,
she dropped them off at the movies,
and then she took Will
to that ball pit he keeps talking about.
My ball pit?
My special-date-with-Will ball pit?
All right, that is it.
You know what, Glenn? Put some sheets on this bed
because when I get done kicking Renee's butt,
I'm going to need a nap.
[children laughing, chattering]
Well, hey, Carli, what are you doing here?
I thought you'd be stuck on that new bed
like a tick on a dog's ear.
Hi, Mom, isn't this great?
Oh, my gosh, you should've seen
his little face brighten up
when he got in here.
It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment, I swear.
Should've been here. [grunts]
Isn't this awesome, Mommy?
We, Mommy is very happy
that you're so happy,
so why don't you go on in
and start playing again, okay?
And remember, this isn't like the pool.
You have to get out to pee.
You got a lot of nerve bringing my kid here.
What, I thought I was helping.
I just assumed you couldn't afford
to bring him to an expensive place like this.
If you could, I got to believe
you'd be spending more on your hair.
Honey, where I come from,
bleach is just for the laundry.
Okay, listen.
My family is not some corporation
that you can just buy and take over.
This wasn't your experience to give to Will. This was mine.
You get my permission if you want to take my kids anywhere.
You got it? Because they are my kids.
They are not your kids.
All right, all right, I understand.
Yeah, I know you do
because I just explained it to you.
You're jealous because I got your man.
Oh, please, you can have him.
I got his good years
and his Guns N' Roses half shirt.
Yep, you're like an old hen
that squawks all day and night
because the rooster don't cock his doodle-doo
in her coop no more.
Listen, red.
I'm not jealous of you, okay?
You may have Glenn fooled,
but I got your number,
and it's about 10 more years
than you tell everybody on your birthday.
Darling, I understand why you're so threatened by me.
It's very intimidating
meeting someone of my sophistication.
Oh, please.
Renee, look at me! Whee!
That's great. Whoo-hoo.
Quit looking at my kid.
And what are you saying,
that I don't have any class?
Please, I have branded things with more class,
and they made a whole lot less noise than you do.
Well, if that's what you think of me-- Yes.
...then I guess this won't surprise you.
Whoa!
Hey--
Oh! Oh, Carli, I hurt my knee. Oh...
My gosh, Renee, I'm so sorry.
I really didn't want you to get hurt.
Give me a hand. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Sucker! [cackling]
- Amazon! - Munchkin!
- Sasquatch! - Grandma!
- Bleach blonde! - Great grandma!
Oh, yeah!
[chanting] Fight! Fight! Fight...
Well, that was a first.
You know, Carli, we may have butted heads,
but I do respect what you're doing with those great kids.
I know Glenn is no help,
and even though I know how to run a big business,
I don't think I could do what you do on my own.
Thank you, Renee.
And I guess, if I was forced to be friends
with my ex-husband's new lady...
it wouldn't be so awful if it was you.
Hmm.
I've got this weird feeling
that in another time or place
we could've been friends.
[laughs]
I've got to tell you, you can fight.
Well, thanks. You're pretty good yourself.
You're pretty fast for a big girl.
And surprisingly,
you didn't break a hip. Ah!
But I've got to tell you, Renee,
the kids really seem to like you.
Oh.
And if you ever want to spend any time with them,
that would be all right with me.
Thanks, sugar.
And if you ever need a job on an oil rig,
I could put a man like you to work.
[yelps]
== Sync, corrected by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com ==